I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
