Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
