I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
