I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
