My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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