just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Bring me that man meat
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize