I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
