remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My cat gives me a boner
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
