A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
