I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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