I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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