separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
