I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
