Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
