I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
