I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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