I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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