Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
