Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
