i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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