Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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