moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
