Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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