so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize