I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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