You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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