I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
