Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
