We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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