Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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