i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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