Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
