Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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