Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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