the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
