yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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