God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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