Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
