The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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