good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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