We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
