I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
