I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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