Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
