Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
