We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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