he shaved USA in his pubs
where does the pee come out of this thing
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
