Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I believe in your delicious
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
