If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just cropdusted the office
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
