Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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