Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize