So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
