i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize