he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
