We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so that wasnt chicken after all
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The beer is more important than you right now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
