I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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