This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
