just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
