i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
