We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
