I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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