WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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