It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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