I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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