She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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