You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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